One of the greatest advantages of writing a sympathy card is that it gives you time to carefully consider what you want to say, rather than being put on the spot. When speaking to someone who is grieving, we can sometimes say things that don't quite convey the empathy or compassion we truly feel. It isn't because we don't care. It's because grief leaves very little that can truly be said.
Writing a card gives us the opportunity to pause, choose our words carefully and express our support in the most meaningful way we can. Of course, not all of us are natural writers. If you've ever found yourself thinking, I'm just not good with words, you're certainly not alone.
There are a few ways you can approach writing a sympathy card. You may choose to write your own heartfelt message, borrow the words of someone who has beautifully captured the experience of grief, or simply let your support be shown through your actions. We'll explore each of these approaches below.
Borrow Beautiful Words
If you do choose to borrow someone else's words, we've gathered five of our favourite writers whose work has brought comfort to countless people. Whether you're looking for a short condolence message or a longer reading, each offers beautiful passages that can be shared in a sympathy card. Many of our recommendations are only a few lines long, making them perfect for expressing what can be so difficult to say yourself.
We can't reproduce the words themselves here, but the name and title of each piece should be enough to find and read in full.
Henry Scott-Holland (1847-1918)
Best for: Traditional sympathy, funerals, memorials and those who appreciate spiritual or Christian themes.
Henry Scott-Holland's words have comforted grieving families for more than a century. His writing offers reassurance that love endures beyond death, making it a timeless choice for moments of remembrance.
Tone: Hopeful, eternal, gentle.
Our recommendation: Death Is Nothing At All
Mary Oliver (1935-2019)
Best for: Quiet remembrance, celebrating a life well lived and nature lovers.
Rather than dwelling on loss, Mary Oliver's poetry gently encourages acceptance, gratitude and an appreciation for life's quiet beauty. Her words often bring peace without trying to explain grief.
Tone: Reflective, peaceful, wise.
Our recommendation: Heavy
Donna Ashworth (Contemporary, 2010s-present)
Best for: Modern sympathy, the loss of a parent, partner or close friend.
Donna Ashworth writes with warmth and compassion, validating grief while gently reminding us that love and loss are forever connected. Her work has become a source of comfort for readers around the world.
Tone: Warm, compassionate, relatable.
Our recommendation: Take the Love
Megan Devine (Contemporary, 2010s-present)
Best for: Sudden loss, deep grief and supporting grieving friends and family.
Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, grief educator and author whose work has transformed the modern conversation around loss. Rather than trying to "fix" grief, she encourages people to honour it, recognising that grief is a natural response to profound love. Her writing is compassionate, practical and deeply validating.
Tone: Honest, validating, empowering.
Our recommendation: Some Things Cannot Be Fixed
Lucas Jones (Contemporary, 2020s-present)
Best for: Younger recipients, unexpected loss and messages from friends.
Lucas Jones' writing feels intimate and conversational, as though a close friend is speaking directly to the reader. His modern reflections on grief resonate particularly with younger generations seeking honest, heartfelt words.
Tone: Honest, intimate, comforting.
Our recommendation: You Were Taken Too Soon
A few thoughts before you choose a passage. First, always credit the original writer if you are sharing their work. Second, don't feel you need to write an entire poem or essay, as even a few carefully chosen lines can carry incredible meaning.
Finally, remember that grief is deeply personal and everyone experiences it differently. Some pieces reflect on loss with the wisdom that often comes after time has passed, while someone in the earliest days of grief may simply need to feel seen rather than understood. If you're unsure, choose an extract that feels heartfelt and compassionate over one that tries to explain or make sense of grief. Sometimes the simplest words offer the greatest comfort.
Write Your Own Words
If you can muster up a few heartfelt and compassionate sentences, writing your own message is often the most meaningful option. We receive many messages from customers at The Giving Angel, and time and again it's the simple, genuine words that stay with us. They are often only a few lines long, yet they have the power to bring tears to your eyes.
It doesn't take a beautifully written letter or profound wisdom to comfort someone who is grieving. A few sincere sentences, combined with familiar words of comfort, can mean the world. The person receiving your card knows you've probably wrestled with what to say and what to leave unsaid, and that you've carefully, and sometimes painfully, chosen each word. That effort alone speaks volumes.
If you can share a happy memory or a quality you admired about the person who has died, you've already given the recipient something precious. In the midst of grief, hearing someone else's treasured memory can remind them of the life their loved one lived and the impact they had on those around them.
If you don't have a personal story to share, that's perfectly okay too. Simply acknowledging their loss, letting them know you're thinking of them and reminding them that you're there if they need anything is more than enough. Your words don't need to be perfect. They simply need to be thoughtful and genuine.
You might also find our guide to What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving helpful if you're still unsure what to write.
Acta Non Verba - Deeds, Not Mere Words
Sometimes words simply can't express how you feel, and that's okay. There are moments when the best thing you can do is stop searching for the perfect words and instead let your actions speak for you.
In our article Sympathy Gifts Australia: A Meaningful Alternative to Flowers we explore a few ways you can show your care. Sometimes a meal dropped at the door or a very thoughtful gift can say far more than any sympathy card ever could.
At The Giving Angel, every angel includes the option of a personalised handwritten message. Many people take the time to write one, but just as many choose not to include a note at all, and we genuinely love that. It reminds us that the gift itself, the chosen charity and the thought behind it are sometimes enough to express everything that needs to be said.
We also believe that a thoughtful bereavement gift isn't about solving someone's grief. It's simply a way of letting them know they are loved, remembered and supported, and for many families searching for condolence gifts that aren't flowers, a simple gesture is enough to express exactly that.
So if the words aren't coming, and someone else's don't quite feel like yours either, don't force them. Find another way to show your love and support.
Conclusion
There is no perfect sympathy message, and there doesn't need to be. Whether you borrow the words of a gifted writer, write your own heartfelt message or simply let your actions speak for you, what matters most is that the person who is grieving knows they are not alone.
No poem, card or gesture can take away someone's grief, but each can remind them that they are loved, remembered and supported. Often, that is exactly what they need most.
So don't worry about finding the perfect words. Choose the ones that feel most genuine to you, or if words fail you altogether, let your kindness do the talking. Whether those words accompany one of our sympathy gifts or another thoughtful gesture, people rarely remember the exact sentence we wrote. They remember that we reached out, that we cared and that, when life became unimaginably difficult, we showed up.